Monthly Archives: December 2010
went to Cameron Highlands as planned. but if you guys want to go Cameron Highlands, please don’t go during the public holidays or peak season. crazy.. the traffic up there was so heavy. took me 1 and a half hour from brinchang to tanah rata.
seriously 2 days 1 night is not adequate for a shooting trip. at least have to spend 3 days 2 night up there since we spend around 3 hours at a place for shooting. still have lots of places which tak sempat to explore. we went cactus valley, sg palas tea plantation, EQ strawberry farm, market…
had to cancel the plan to gunung brinchang for sunrise due to the clutch disc of the car was burnt and my legs were fatigue, spasm and tremor, cannot control the clutch well.. don’t want to take the risk to drive there. sigh..
luckily the car was ok after cold it down.
after being silent for so long, finally decided to blog something at the very last day of my OnG posting.
i think i am going to miss OnG, my supervisor, green ward and the juniors very much, very very much.
argh, thought block again. dunno what to continue from there. lots of things in my mind, wanted to blog, but they remain unorganized, messy, patchy here and there… then you probably can start analyse the psychopathology in between and will find this post will be full of loosening of association, circumstantiality and may be tangentiality.. without the chief complain but only full of lengthy HOPI.
am tired, really tired. may be too much of lactic acid accumulation due to the stupid spasm right leg? or may be it’s just an excuse to blame on it. but it just getting worse. and all this while, of all the things i experienced, the best way to train someone to be compliant is when he/she can’t live without the pills, where one will immediately suffer from the symptoms once he/she miss pills. oh yes, am definitely a junkie and at the same time the worst patient. pain is better than risk of getting chronic kidney disease kan. trying to take off the celecoxib, lets see how long i manage to survive. it’s time to rest the kidneys after working so hard in OnG, rest for few weeks before it has to start working again in emergency medicine posting. but still have stick to baclofen daily.
talked to a gynae-onco patient in the ward few days ago who suffer from pain as well. she asked me, do i understand how she felt. do i know howz the pain felt like. probably the characteristic, nature and severity of the pain are different from mine, but for sure i know how is the life with pain. trying to be tough but how tough can i be? trying not to tell or complain bout the pain but sometimes the action tells, esp when walking with limping gait. trying not to tell my parents bout the pain but someone told me that i need the prayers from them. trying to walk as much as i can but how long still i able to walk? don’t care la, am still going on a shooting trip to cameron highlands this saturday. who knows what will happen tomorrow, so just continue to walk until you cant walk la, so that you wont regret in the future.
sigh.. still… cant get rid of that thought in my mind, still worried about the result of end of posting examination. felt myself doing badly in the exams, never felt that bad before. yadayadayadayada.. no need to waste your time to comfort me.. i know what are you going to say, i am telling myself the same things too (oh shit, am talking to myself), but things are just easy to tell but hard to practise. wish me luck la..
listening to Hans Zimmer recently, ‘the dark knight’ and ‘inception’ OST. very nice OST but give the sense of heaviness in between.. lets try sleeping with listening to Inception OST and see how many levels of dream i manage to go thru.. lol..
retrospective entry: i passed the end of posting exams. :p yeah yeah.. though kantoi in oba but luckily score in emi, so overall theory passed, osce passed, counseling passed.