itchy

DAMN

WITH THE STUPID UNDIAGNOSED

CHRONIC RASH / URTICARIA / DERMATITIS / ALLERGY / WHATEVER

AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

8th semester

i really have no idea that how to go through this semester. not mentally but physically where lots of standing and walking needed.

don’t read the following content if you cannot tahan with me complaining of my legs pain again and again..

today is only the second day of the posting and my legs…hmmm.. jz like an old lady. my current position is, sitting on the bed with my legs slightly flex, supported by 2 pillows and counterpain all over the knee joints.

you will never know how discomfort and suffer is it when you can’t stand for too long when there is still a lot of ward work and beds waiting for you; you can’t sit for too long when there is a lot of things to study as the hip joint will pain ; you can’t sleep with your lower limbs straight cause it hurts… then what else position can you think of to place my legs??

oh my dear legs…

struggle

may be some of you have seen the similar picture from my facebook album, don’t get confused. this is not the editted version, just that it was taken in the different mode and different white balance. i like both of them but the album was named ‘a picture a day’, so i can’t upload the similar and 2 pictures a day to that album. so i just upload it here la.. and i think its colour suit my blog well. :p

not in the mood to write more on this topic and also not good in writing and describing further..

this is the picture of the day and up to you all how to interpret it la..

RIP

may you rest in peace, Ai Hsiang.

other than that, i don’t know what to say.

memories where we spent time together with the gang keep on flashing back in my brain. although it is not many but it is enough to make me cry. after spending some times in hospital and in this field, i really thought i am tough enough to see and go through this. but in reality, i am not. still remember the day when u’re sitting behind me in the class, sitting beside me in the tuition class, the day when we skipped class together with the gang for that stupid hand knitted jalur gemilang, the day we’re having bbq at my house… chuan yit and i still thought of having another bbq with the gang during the raya holidays… T.T

sometimes, i will imagine that what will it be if my friends or my family members collapse in front of me and i fail to resuscitate them. but now… i don’t even dare to think about it.

i know, this is part of our life and we have to go through it. but practically it is definitely not that easy unless you are cold-blooded as someone who left a comment at my facebook status.

and i know, this is not a suitable time for being emo but HOW TO STAY STRONG??

T.T

did you ever seen patient crying in the OT?

i have been in the OT for so many times but never seen it until my anaes posting where i hv been seeing it twice in 1 week, including today.

never thought that it is so scary for a patient to be in the OT, waiting to be ‘cut’, cause we have been get used to it, go in and out everyday just like part of our lives.

what will it be if the situation is opposite where we are the one who lying inside the OT waiting to be cut?? will it be different?

crutch

saw a staff nurse in OT who was walking with a forearm crutch today..

seriously, i don’t want to walk with the crutch… T.T

and i don’t want to take pain killer…

probably you will say that i am having medical student syndrome

yeah… maybe i really have hypochondriasis, conversion or pain disorder.. who knows..

a decade of glory

surprisingly, i didn’t upload any photo of the college dinner to my facebook album.

nah.. the photos i like are not enough to make an album (i have OCD trait) and afterall others already tagged me..

and…

its either the photos were blur,

or other people looked nice in the picture but i looked blur (not sure whether was i ter-move, or the photos were not being focus properly),

or with the right person but wrong angle,

or with the right angle but wrong person,

or the angle of people prefer to look at me is different from me (even my cousin bro likes to take that angle of me which i hate the most and put into the family photos),

or people jealous because i slimmer than them, and they purposely make me look fatter with certain angle of my face,

or…

argh.. shouldn’t blame others..

it’s my fault cause i dunno how to pose and i memang don’t look nice.

sien…

tried to choose some potrait of mine to put in here but fail.

ophthalmology

obviously, i am currently in ophthalmology posting..

obviously, i like it more than ENT..

and i like my current supervisor dr ‘oo’ more than the ‘ling ling ling’..

if

sigh.. this is the first blog during my ENT posting. perhaps i shouldn’t be here writing my blog, still have lots of things to read and CWU arrrr… just started my cwu tonight. this is the last week for ent posting and now only i started doing my cwu. i still have around 5 days left to finish it up. should be enough time kut. sigh.. some said that young people should not sigh.. but still..

sigh..

if the world health day is during my psychiatry posting and not during ent,

if am only the AJK but not the EXCO Technical for world health day programme,

if there is no pain at my lower limbs which worsen the gait,

if my supervisor will be around at the third week,

if i no need to do my clinical examination during the second day of the second week of posting,

if i no need to sign for the log book,

if there is no merit system,

if there is no kiasu people,

if i rage those people when they first entered medical school,

if those people know how to respect,

if that fella know to take initiative to wash the toilet and bathroom,

if i can have enough time to SLEEP,

if i no need to wake up so early in the morning,

if i have time to go shopping,

…….

then,

i won’t be so miserable over here.

seriously, i am not free

seriously, i am not free. i know currently i am in psychiatry posting and relatively more free than other posting. BUT, it is not as free as you think, third year. i have clinic and sgd until i hv to skip my lunch, teaching, 2-3 ssm meeting per week, case write up, 2 reflective writing, ppd community project (meeting, preparation, visit, slide, presentation), visit to drug addiction center, visit to hospital bahagia ulu kinta, log book, autopsy.. and i havent long case yet!

why cant you take initiative to help me with the things?? i dunno what posting are you in. i know third year also busy. and i know some of you busy gila wanna get signature for the log book, kiasu gila wanna insert the brannula, until insert the brannula to the patients who don’t even need it. please la, izit the correct way you practise? izit right to simply open up a patient’s abdomen and suture it back jz because you need to practise your skill??

and why cant the ppl specify the quantity of the things they needed?? u only let me know you need the PA system yang secukupnya. what do you mean by secukupnya? 50 microphone? 100 speakers?? please la.. if you want me to remove a brain tumor, you got to let me know the detail of the tumor, where is the tumor, tumor size.. or else how do i know to what extend i have to remove it? the whole brain?? stupid gila.

why cant the ppl stop projecting (defense mechanism – projection)?? they are the ppl who are late and slow in doing things but asking me to be earlier. very funny. i already told them last 2 weeks but now that fellow remind me back.

i know you are busy and everyone here is busy but i am not that free as you think too.