the most pathetic person in the world is someone who work hard but not work smart, with a little return, just like me.

ya.. i know.. shouldn’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. and should think positively.. but sometimes.. sigh..

full of ambitions, sometimes can feel that the targets become nearer and nearer but in reality, i am moving but not progressing. it is so near yet so far. everything is just an illusion. everything is just a mirror image, the opposite. should i believe my own eyes? should i still believe in what i see? should i believe in what i hear??

probably i am too ambitious, towards something which is hardly achieved by me. am i? how long will it takes to bring me there? then one will said ‘why should you care? as long as you reach there’. the most important question is ‘do you able to make it there?’

ya..positive thinking is good but too positive is not good.

and negative thinking is even worse. so please la especially to those who get good results, please stop complaining you didn’t study, you didn’t know how to answer, you sure fail and have to prepare to reseat.. to those genius, stop complaining when you can get a good result without studying a lot.. and STOP saying that i am smarter than you. it irritates me.

damn.. start to have loosening of association and start to mengamuk already.. better stop now.

may you rest in peace, Ai Hsiang.

other than that, i don’t know what to say.

memories where we spent time together with the gang keep on flashing back in my brain. although it is not many but it is enough to make me cry. after spending some times in hospital and in this field, i really thought i am tough enough to see and go through this. but in reality, i am not. still remember the day when u’re sitting behind me in the class, sitting beside me in the tuition class, the day when we skipped class together with the gang for that stupid hand knitted jalur gemilang, the day we’re having bbq at my house… chuan yit and i still thought of having another bbq with the gang during the raya holidays… T.T

sometimes, i will imagine that what will it be if my friends or my family members collapse in front of me and i fail to resuscitate them. but now… i don’t even dare to think about it.

i know, this is part of our life and we have to go through it. but practically it is definitely not that easy unless you are cold-blooded as someone who left a comment at my facebook status.

and i know, this is not a suitable time for being emo but HOW TO STAY STRONG??