hv no idea why, suddenly think of my cousin sis, myo jen in the middle of the night. may be i shouldn’t stay up too late…
if she is still ok, didn’t get infected by encephalitis 6 years ago, didn’t get misdiagnosed simply as fever 6 years ago, she will be living a normal life like anybody else, go to school like other form 5 students, drawing… she can draw very well. she had a good sense in art. but now, she is bedridden. she manage to open her eyes but i dunno whether she can see me. she able to follow ur singing, speech and prayer but i have no idea whether she can understand. but, i know.. she must be trying very hard to recover.
still remember the time she fell sick. that was the first time i entered ICU. the first time i saw all the family members waiting outside the ICU and prayed for her. the first time i heard the words ‘brain damage’ from a doctor. the first time i saw a coma patient, my cousin in front of me.. the first time i saw her intubated with a lot of tubes, under ecg monitoring… the first time i cried when i tried to talk to her.. i bought a bookmark for her that day. i get the bad news on that day and i don’t have the chance to give her the bookmark until today. even after so many years, i still can’t control my tears when i sat alone with her. but still try to be ok in front of others.
sometimes i really hate myself when i start thinking about the bad things.. will she recover? it is brain damage! the damaged neuron won’t regenerate. already 6 years and she is still having hydrocephalus now but her parents don’t want to try any invasive treatment on her. or i should say not dare to try and scare to lose her again.. then, what are the things we can do now? and currently they are trying on qi gong
sometimes i really regret. i should treat her better. i should love her more. i shouldn’t fight with her so often when i was still a kid.
